Trojan Bugs

 

Invasion

 

I had never been bitten by a bed bug before, the first bite I received was in the hospital, ironical and satirical at the same time, the hospitals and bed bugs sucking the blood of the patients at the same time. Remember troy, well I certainly did not offend these bloodsuckers by stealing their bride, yet I was the victim of that ancient trojan horse plot, when at the time of my father’s cataract procedure I received that fateful bite… an itch that came quickly though not as quickly as an ant bite would make, since there is a difference of fluids, in case of ants the bite is garnished with a healthy dose of formic acid.. which quickly burns the irritated bitten skin, giving us the tinge of bite. But in the case of our bed bug it’s their saliva, that acts as an anesthetic to the wound for a short time until the bug is far away from the scene of the crime. Often, after you get that bite tinge and when you start looking for the culprit, you will find it making for safety, given a head start by that anesthetic saliva.

 

The scene of the crime was the general ward, cataract section, eye department. I was happily chatting with an old lady; she was the age of my grandmother and was very lively and we were just singing to the tunes of famous Bollywood chartbuster “gore gore gaalon pe kaala kaala chasma” since you know, how cataract patients need to wear black shades for a few weeks. To help them get accustomed to the light. That’s when I got the bite, I do remember that bite, I was bitten by ants before it felt the same but little different since ants and hospitals don’t go along quite well. So as I had that unstoppable urge to scratch the itch, I found that a little bug is scurrying away at the cuffs of my shirt, I quickly shook my hand and the fellow fell down just inches away from my shoes…from there the rest of the operation was easy…I lifted the shoe and killed the bug, justice being served to its proportion…( some moral flaunting people will accuse me, of not delivering justice to the nature of the crime, but hey, how can you bite a bed bug. The killing was the only humane thing to do.)

 

The rest of the hospital stay was without an incident, not a bite or even an appearance. But how foolish were the trojans, and how foolish was I to think that the battle was over… the war was just started…

 

We arrived at our house, a 1BHK flat, for westerners its studio apartment with extra room, so after three days, we had the first sightings …. God knows there is not a thing in the world that scares me the most. Given a choice between a bed bug and tiger, I will choose tiger always at least I am aware of that is always only one in number and often reveal its position by growling, or when on the prowl.

Anyway, few days went by and each member of my family donated a healthy amount of blood to the bugs. Once when on weekend we took matter in our own hands, we were suddenly overwhelmed by their presence. They were everywhere, in the corners of box mattresses, under the clock on the wall, inside, switchboards, in the wardrobes, in the little crevices between tiles and skirting on the floor. We had a problem, we were trojan horsed. I was led to believe that I had killed the enemy and won the battle, but Nah, these bugs, they took refuge in the blankets in the suitcase that was carried to the hospital. And I took them to my home just like the troy citizens took the fateful horse within their walls.

 

Our days were sprinkled with the little peace between the bites and the nights, they were persistent cause of nightmares. How a family of four is frightened to the extreme can be answered with the following examples. My mother who is a homemaker is always present in the house. She literally turned white. My father who went for work was so troubled by the bug business he often kept to outdoors till very late in the night and came home when he was so sleep driven that he wouldn’t care if a tiger had a bite of him. As for me, I had this small refuge called college, I stayed as late as I could in the company of my friends. For I knew the night was coming. As for my brother he suffered the most, he not only came from the college early but also went to sleep early and would often rise with arms sprinkled with bite marks.

Something had to be done. Something had to be done very quickly.

One and Many Battles

 

So, since the good night sleep was practically nonexistent, I asked around for the cure, nobody in the building ever heard of bugs before, it was not a problem found around cement buildings. They were as helpless as we. So, when I asked one of my pharmacist friends, he suggested I use, “Khatnil” its practical kerosene with a strange smell. I started spraying it around the mattresses and crevices where we thought the bugs were but to no avail. These were not to be killed in one go.

During nights I kept the watch for the family, instead of turning lights on the family went to sleep with lights on, with me as a guard. So whenever at night I would find a lonely soldier on patrol or on sucking duty I would spray the aforesaid chemical on it... it would quickly somersault with its back to the floor and die painfully. But to kill it effectively three to four large spray was required and the chemicals are also harmful if not used carefully around the house. soon all the patrolling soldiers died one way or the other a battle was won.

 

Since we already exhausted two to three bottles of such chemical, we were of the mindset, that it is impossible for us to handle the operations and let the professionals take on. But when we consulted these professionals, they actually suggested that we vacate the house for at least a week after fumigation as it was their ultimate weapon, still it wasn’t guaranteed that the bugs won’t come back. As it was already a rainy season moving to a hotel or any other flat would not have sufficed, we were new to this war and we didn’t know what other strategies they had up their sleeves or their legs.

Someone day told me to use kerosene, a petroleum product to wipe out these bloodsuckers. This was also corroborated by my mother, who claimed to have fought these suckers in her village with the help of kerosene.

 

So, to get kerosene we went. Now if you are a citizen of India you will know that kerosene is a controlled product, it cannot be made available as easily as on any gas station. We in India have a public distribution system, and it is there you can avail yourself of 5 liters of kerosene for a month, if you get hold of one of the ration cards.

I didn’t at that time possess any card, so my difficulties were manifold. The white kerosene sold in the market legally was double the cost and was claimed to be half effective. So, I went to a very good friend of my who helped me have this kerosene on his card, practically giving his share. So, with the can of 5-liter kerosene I practically marched to my home as would Alexander the great march with his army behind him to the Khyber Pass. Little did I know as Alexander that this was not going to work out in our favor.

Since the amount of kerosene was liberal, we sprayed our entire house with kerosene, yes fright can make people do things which can prove fatal. If at that time any person would have entered my house, he would have sworn on his ancestors that he had entered a kerosene hold rather than a simple apartment in the building.

Few days we had great sleep at night. But as with petroleum products, kerosene too vaporized and the nightmares doubled for we were overwhelmed by the numbers now. Not only they reproduced quickly but also, we keeping indoors when we sprayed the entire house with kerosene. Wise fellows I must say.

 

 

An Unexpected Ally

 

By this time I was a professional assassin of the bugs, by the weapon of choice was an intravenous syringe from the pharmacist, filled with kerosene this I would shoot into their headquarters during the day since they are not home at night. But this strategy was only half effective. By this time, they had their headquarters all over the house, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in the bedroom, in the living, everywhere. Each of that unit was autonomous, they hunted us in their respective territories and we were again sleep-deprived. I myself was practically driven to madness, I used to sit on the chair at night watch tv all night, with a can of deodorant (it was the only thing available since kerosene was long exhausted and next batch would take at least a month)  spraying it on the legs of the chair, sitting in Padmasana on a chair as only an Indian could sit. But it was as ineffective as the chemical, it did not prevent them from climbing the legs and biting. I could literally see one bug very happily coming up the leg of the chair and biting my arm. It was horrible till today I have nightmares about that incident.

Now we're on the losing side, our Morales completely down, our incapability in controlling the spread had made us scapegoats to the bugs and we were so depressed that we needed a miracle to help us out or we would have perished.

 

An ally came, it was unusual, people who do not believe in miracles are naïve, they think that miracles are otherworldly and they are really hocus pocus from some godmen. But science can make miracles too, it was Darwin’s principle that actually saved us from our nightmares.

 

One fine day as a hopeless soldier, after a lost battle watches the field, I was watching the television, every time looking under the chair for bugs. As I was flipping the channels on the cable, I noticed one of their soldiers on patrol, he was in a good mood. We were now demoralized and were easy prey, it was only a matter of biting and scurrying away. He was unaware of the predator that crept under the DVD player, as soon as he was within it reached that eight-legged predator dashed out wrapped this fellow in its web and pulled him under the player. This happened right in front of my eyes, I quickly got up and picked up the player, what I saw gave me an incredible idea, a miracle we were seeking was right in front of us dragging the bug in its web to its lair…!

 

 

The Final Battle

 

I quickly asked my mom not to clean the cobwebs around the house, since having spiders was not as bad as having bedbugs but it was a relief.  Soon within a week, all we could see were small spiders running around. These spiders worked tirelessly and hunted even the younger bedbugs you were not of mating age. Hence putting a full stop to their episode in my house. I feel sad for trojans, for they did have an ally like mine, and perished.

 

After only two weeks all we could see was the remains of their headquarters, very visible because of their uncivilized sanitary practices. We finally at peace. With a simple solution not only we completely, wiped out the bugs but I have had not seen a bug since then.

 

Today I still fear, bugs but they are only in nightmares. I have made friends with spiders and I only occasionally clean the webs, when they are visible, small spiders I let them live, for not only they helped me but were instrumental in helping me find peace and having a good night's sleep.